Not a very jolly gospel reading this morning. Divorce and adultery, a way to brighten up your Sunday morning. 

Well, three comments, since that is the gospel.  Jesus often challenged his disciples by putting the bar extremely high, being very idealistic, saying here’s what you should aim at if you want to follow me.  Extremely challenging for if you were to turn the page in the gospel you’d find that He is equally understanding and forgiving, merciful and compassionate when we fall short of that high standard; as we so often do because we’re human beings.

So, in John’s gospel there is the great line, “Jesus knew what was in man,” which we might translate today, “Jesus knows what we are made of.”  Now the disciples of Jesus caught on to the challenge but they often were not good at the merciful bit.  And, down through the centuries the disciples have often challenged but not as often being compassionate.  That is why people who have gone through the experience of divorce and who, through might and main, have struggled to keep their marriage together, would spare every possible expenditure of effort and yet have failed because we’re human, we’re not infallible, and that’s a very painful situation—I think it is sometimes worse than a death.  And, the last thing they need is judgment.  What they need is compassion and understanding. 

And that applies even more than couples who are divorced and remarried outside the church; they often feel the cold winds of non-compassion when it comes to the sacraments.  They need to sit down with a discerning person who can help them figure out what God’s will might be for their lives where the sacraments are concerned.  I remember a few years ago reading an article (and how I wish I had cut it out) about a very important Cardinal at the Vatican who was receiving Bishops from around the world.  And, they were telling him how painful it was for so many of  their parishioners who were divorced and remarried outside the Church but were often among the most active Catholics and they felt they were not welcomed to the sacraments and it caused them tremendous pain.  And the Cardinal said, “I understand what you’re saying, I agree with you, I’ll see what I can do about it.”  The name of that Cardinal was Joseph Ratzinger.  He is now Pope Benedict XVI.  So far he hasn’t done anything about it, I hope he will, and in the meantime remember what Jesus said, “the Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath” so that the laws of the Church are your servants, not vice-versa.

Secondly, we as Priests are called upon to prepare people for marriage and sometimes people say, “How can you do that?  You don’t know the first things about it, you’re a celibate male.”  And I say, “You’re right.”  But I have a few glimmers and so I ask the couples three questions.  The first question I ask them is:  “Do you like each other?”  And they would say, “We love each other,” and I’d say, “Yea, but I didn’t ask you that.”  And then I’d say, “Are you good friends?”  Not the very best friend, maybe, but are you good friends?  And then I’d say, “Are you able to say ‘I’m sorry’?”  Back in the 1970’s there was a famous movie called, “Love Story.”  Anyone see it?  Lots of you saw it.  There was a line in that movie that I think was the silliest line Hollywood ever came up with.  Remember what it was?  “Love means never having to say ‘I’m sorry’.”  We’ve a very sharp congregation today.  Such nonsense, right?  I mean what more than saying, “I’m sorry” could be a more crucial component of any good relationship.

Well, in the last couple of weeks I contacted some real experts, namely, some couples who have good marriages and I asked them, “What’s your secret?”  They were just a sampling.  If I didn’t get to you, please don’t conclude that I think you have a lousy marriage.  Generally, they gave very down-to-earth answers, not at all up in the clouds.  The most common answer was:  “The secret is a sense of humor.” People said, “Compassion, patience and more patience, a short memory.”  One couple said, “We are friends.”  Two different couples said, “Choose wisely at the beginning, don’t jump in where angels fear to tread.”  Also, “we respect each other.”  Here’s what one man said, I wrote it down exactly as he said it, “Gay marriage, if it comes will not disrupt our marriage in the slightest.”  And another one, “In the first two years of marriage the husband speaks and the wife listens, in the second two years of marriage, the wife speaks and the husband listens, after that they both speak at the same time and the neighbors listen.”   And, lastly, there is a couple in the parish, they have been married 64 years, they are very sick now, one of them is very extremely ill—I’ve been with them twice—they have just this palpable wonderful love for each other so, I asked them, “What is your secret?”  And unhesitatingly, he replied, “two televisions."  What I’m trying to say is that these were really down to earth.

Third point:  A few years ago I was preparing a young couple for marriage and I asked the young woman, I said, “Mary, what do you like about John?”  And she said something like this, “You know, I like everything about him.  I love him exactly the way he is today.  And if he never changes one iota for the rest of his life, I will always love him.”  And then she added, “And I always want him to be better.”  And I thought, you know, that’s divine.  Because if you read St. Paul, from one of the readings of today, Paul often says (and he was more romantic goodness knows) “If you want to understand what the love of God for us is like, see a couple who truly love and accept each other.”  And because they truly love and accept and like each other, they give each other the permission to be and the permission to grow—and that is the way God’s love is for us.  It took me years to realize that, by the way.  I spent many years trying to be perfect because I thought, “only when I’m perfect will God love me.”  But, after a nervous breakdown, I realized I had to try some other track and then eventually I woke up one day and realized that God loves me and likes me and is my friend, exactly as I am today, and if I never change one bit God would passionately love me.  From the day I realized that I think I began to grow more spiritually with a mighty lot of growing still to be done.

And, so every true human friendship is a reflection of the divine because it helps us to become who we are meant to be.  There is a French philosopher who wrote this line, “The friend who understands you creates you.”  That includes above all, the Creator, whose love and friendship and whose liking for you, if you grasp them, will recreate you each day—and when you live in the sunlight of that kind of love then you thrive and you mature and you grow and you become the kind of person God wants you to be.