THE FIFTEENTH SUNDAY IN ORDINARY TIME

July 12, 1998

Dear Parishioners,

Summer is a time for weddings and also a lot of questions about marriage policies and church practice. Here are a few answers; I hope they’re helpful.

The recognized or valid form of marriage for a baptized Catholic is often called being married "in the Church." That phrase does not refer to the physical location of the wedding (marriages "in the church" have taken place in homes and outdoors); rather it refers to its acceptance and recognition by the Roman Catholic community. The form a marriage "in the Church" normally takes is the exchange of vows by the couple in the presence of (1) an authorized representative of the Church (usually a priest or deacon delegated by the local pastor) and (2) two adult witnesses (usually the best man and maid of honor). The vows may be exchanged briefly in a small chapel with only couple, priest and witnesses present, or in a massive church filled with guests, music, flowers and nuptial mass; but the essentials are simple and the same. For a Catholic, such an exchange of vows "in the Church" means that the marriage is a sacrament recognized not only be the state, but by the Catholic community as well. When Catholics are not married "in the Church," their marriage is civil and legal but it is not celebrated as a valid sacrament by our Church and a question is raised about the appropriateness of subsequently receiving other sacraments, such as communion, until the marriage is blessed "in the Church." It does happen that Catholics not married "in the Church" on occasion do continue to receive communion; this is usually an exception, because of good faith, pursuit of an annulment, or having done all that is possible in good conscience.

Weddings celebrated outside of the physical church building (in private houses, gardens, reception halls) are a rarity in the U.S. and priests or deacons can seldom receive authorization to participate. Exceptions to this are Jewish-Christian marriages and rural dioceses where church buildings are few. The thinking behind this very common policy is 1) the symbolism that the event is not a private family affair but belongs to the entire Church community 2) abuses in the past where home weddings became the sign of wealthy "first class parishioners", and parish church celebrations the sign of poorer "second class Catholics!" and 3) the experience of restaurants, hotels and reception halls turning the sacramental celebration into a business and marketing event.

Interfaith or "mixed marriages" are very common. Of the last twenty weddings celebrated at Christ the King, ten were interfaith. Many years ago, if a Catholic married a non-Catholic "in the Church," both were required to sign a promise that all children would be baptized and raised as Catholics. This is no longer true, although the issue of the children’s faith remains an important one. Today the non-Catholic is not asked to make any promise, but is aware that the Catholic agrees to a cautiously worded phrase "to do all in my power" to see that offspring are raised in the Catholic faith. Exactly what "all in my power" means may vary with different couples, but the issue needs serious discussion prior to any wedding. Ecumenical wedding celebrations are common and easy with a little early planning. We are happy to have ministers of other faiths participate by scripture reading, homily or nuptial blessing. In cases where the non-Catholic is extremely close to the Protestant minister or congregation, after all the normal marriage preparation and a specific request to the Bishop, non-Catholic clergy may be authorized to represent the Church and the wedding "in the Church" may actually be celebrated in another denomination and by a Protestant minister.

Divorce and previous marriages raise the hardest questions, involving frequent misconceptions and require a great deal of lead time before any subsequent marriage "in the Church." The single most common misunderstanding by Catholics is the misconception that a non-Catholic previously married before a judge or minister ("outside the Church") is free to remarry in a Catholic ceremony because they were never married "in the Church." Not so! The requirement of a priest and two witnesses for being married "in the Church" is about Catholics and the Catholic community. In practice, this means that any previous marriages of a non-Catholic are seen as permanent and valid; the rather lengthy process (ten to twelve months) of a Church annulment would be necessary before any Catholic ceremony could be planned for a subsequent marriage. We also take the civil marriages ("outside the Church") of Catholics seriously; although a church annulment is not necessary prior to a subsequent marriage "in the Church", the simpler process of obtaining a declaration of freedom to marry may take up to two months.

It may all seem a bit complicated, especially when most bridal books and wedding guides today do not even mention the possibility of a Church wedding or religious ceremony; but our community takes marriage very seriously even if that means a lot of extra time and effort. It also suggests that in a sacrament so important for our community and society some other judgments and standards enter in besides what the bride and groom and their immediate family think best. We do not accept that marriage is a private, isolated, "nobody’s business but my own" kind of event. The role of parish priest and staff is to help people through all this to careful preparation and a faith filled celebration. If you have any questions, ask us!

Your Pastor,

Brian T. Joyce